The Pandemic has made me smarter. That’s a fact. In the last two years we have added words to our vocabulary that we would never have dreamed of. Words like Comorbidity which is; the simultaneous presence of two diseases or medical conditions in a patient. I won’t claim to be overly brilliant now and say that I knew there was a specific word that could have been used to describe Nausea and Diarrhea, “Hey Bob, can’t go fishin today, my comorbidity’s might make a mess of my shorts and potentially ruin the bottom of your boat. Bob takes great pride in his boat and I am sure he would be upset with me if I brought my co-morbidities onto his sanctuary.
Even though I feel much smarter than last year, I have yet to understand why they called it the Corona-19 virus. I totally understand the 19 part because it was identified in 2019. That makes a pant load of sense to me, so I have lost no sleep over it. It’s the “corona” part that has me confused and I am sure the beer folks in Mexico didn’t care much for it either because when I was doing this extensive research on the origin of Corona, “A smooth highly ingestible liquid, goldish in color designed for adult relaxation on the beach, parties and fishin boats, never showed up. No sir, it never appeared in my Bing search.
From what I understand, as I was conducting the research for this medical thesis, is that Corona was defined first as; the rarefied gaseous envelope of the sun and other stars. I need to come back to that one. The second definition was; the part of the body resembling or likened to a crown. Now that one makes a little more sense. The third definition available was; the cup-shaped or trumpet-shaped outgrowth at the center of a daffodil or narcissus flower. This was another head scratcher for me because I had no idea that a daffodil was considered a narcissus.
Now, back to the rarefied gaseous envelope of the sun and other stars. Yes, I am a child at heart and the word “gaseous” is like Pavlov’s dog to me; DING…Fart jokes coming. I will show a modicum of restraint and maturity and spare you the long litany of wonderful fart jokes that come to mind and just say that when you combine the words, gaseous with stars, I immediately picture a happy chorus of over inflated egotistical celebrities each walking the red carpet while instructing us to “pull their finger”. If that were the case, I would gleefully watch an award show like the Golden Globes or the Oscars to see Brad Pitt and Jenifer Aniston prove that they are human and also like to break wind too.
O.K, I hear the chorus of arguments from all of you that proclaim that YOU absolutely, under NO circumstances break wind and even if you did let off a good stinker, would never proclaim to enjoy it! Oh, good lord, spare me the overly righteous, flatulence indignation. For goodness sakes my grandmother farted and she enjoyed it. She was still a lady though, she never bragged about it. There is a big difference in certain social circles and even though us Greens are proud of our gas, we never brag about it.
The second definition of; Part of the body resembling or likened to a crown, is more understandable but not relatable to a virus. “Hey Bob, what the hell are you wearing a tiara for?” Bob is a very humble man and he doesn’t ever like to draw attention to himself, so he gives me a typical modest but truthful reply, “I got the corona and this is what they said the treatment was.” I’ve never been one to argue with Bob about social matters, especially one as serious as this, “No medicine? Just a tiara?” Bob is eager to get the boat in the water, “Nope, no medicine at all, they just said to quarantine myself from the people I care about the most, you ready to go?” Oddly enough, I take this as a compliment from Bob, “Yeah, I’m ready, I hear the bass are bitin today”.
The last definition, the cup-shaped or trumpet-shaped outgrowth at the center of a daffodil or narcissus flower really sent me in a direction I never expected to go. As I mentioned, I never thought of Daffodils as narcissist because they really can’t help it that they pop up every spring and are super easy to look at. I know lots of folks that are easy to look at that aren’t narcissist and therefore, I think that flowers get a bad rap for being considered narcissist. I chose to dive a bit deeper into the subject matter and found out that; The word Narcissus comes from Greek mythology… apparently, he was a skilled hunter that was pretty dang good looking, so good looking that he flat out fell in love with himself just by seeing his reflection in the water, (this might explain why Bob likes to fish so much) but as the story goes, he put himself out of his one-way relationship misery by stabbing himself until he died. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t say how many times he stabbed himself but I am guessing just once, because he was a skilled hunter. But as the story goes, the blood that spewed out of ole good lookin Narcissus caused a bunch of real pretty flowers to grow in the spot where he died. Wah-lah! See, the pandemic has made me smarter but I still don’t know why they named an awful virus Corona.